Looking Through New Eyes

After the past rather difficult week, I have spent quite some time today thinking and praying. Three passages of scripture have been coming into my mind all day. 


'Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.'
Philippians 4:8 - 9


'And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.'
Colossians 3:15


'Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit.'
1 Thessalonians 5:16 - 19


While not endorsing the worldly wisdom of the power of positive thinking, I do believe that the attitude I choose to have in my mind towards people, or circumstances, or just 'life' can determine how positive or negative my life is, for myself.
I was talking with my mentor, Roy, this morning and he was reminding me to always come back to truth. What is God's truth in any situation?
I feel that God is encouraging me to look at the world through his eyes and to place my trust in him, knowing that in ANY situation or circumstance, he is more than big enough and good enough to bring me through safely and prosper me.
Over the weekend God brought me back to the verse that has been my promise from him all throughout this past season:


Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt. And in that day, declares the LORD, you will call me 'My Husband,' and no longer will you call me 'My Baal.'
Hosea 2:14 - 16


I felt that God was asking me if I still trust him to hold my hand through the 'desert' and believe that he can and will bring me fruitfulness even in the barrenness?

Only Hope

There's a song that's inside of my soul. 
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again 
I'm awake in the infinite cold. 
But you sing to me over and over and over again. 


So, I lay my head back down. 
And I lift my hands and pray 
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours 
I know now you're my only hope. 


Sing to me the song of the stars. 
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again. 
When it feels like my dreams are so far 
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again. 


So I lay my head back down. 
And I lift my hands and pray 
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours 
I know now, you're my only hope. 


I give you my destiny. 
I'm giving you all of me. 
I want your symphony, singing in all that I am 
At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back. 


So I lay my head back down. 
And I lift my hands and pray 
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours 
I pray, to be only yours 
I know now you're my only hope. 


[Only Hope, Mandy Moore]

Hanging On

Someone did something to be this morning that really hurt me. Their actions and attitude are to exclude me and to cause pain. As I sit here at my work desk, with tears running down my cheeks, the only thing that keeps running through my mind is:

‘Today, my grace is sufficient for you.’

2 Corinthians 12:9 - 10

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I feel like I am really taking a beating. I have been under quite intense fire from the same direction for over a year now. The battle is wearing me out. I am losing joy.

God have only given me enough grace for today. I don’t have enough to face tomorrow. but sometimes, I feel like I only have enough grace to walk through this minute... 

It reminds me of the lyrics:

I'm falling even more in love with you 

Letting go of all I've held onto 

I'm standing here until you make me move 

I'm hanging by a moment here with you 

[Hanging By A Moment, Lifehouse]

Another song that is helping me a lot at the moment is ‘I Look To You’ by Whitney Houston:

As I lay me down
Heaven hear me now
I’m lost without a cause
After giving it my all

Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I’ve been through
Who on earth can I turn to?

I look to you,
I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you,
I look to you
And when melodies are gone In you I hear a song
I look to you

Have to lose my breath
There's no fighting left
Sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door

And every road that I've taken
Led to my regret
And I don't know if I'm go'n make it
Nothing to do but lift my head

My levees are broken
My walls are coming down on me
My rain is falling
Defeat is calling
I need you to set me free
Take me far away from the battle
I need you
Shine on me!

My greatest concern through all this is that I keep my heart soft. Life is lived from the heart and I will not allow my heart to turn dark, cold and nasty.

Abundance

I am SO blessed!
I have been praying/longing for a holiday for some time now. I have not had very much money to go anywhere grand but I was okay with that.
But God went beyond my expectations! I have been sponsored to go on a holiday in New Zealand next month for 2 weeks! I will be spending time in Rotorua, Taupo and Auckland. I am going with Steve, Priscilla and Faith Loh.
I am amazed at God! He continually goes beyond my expectations. I feel that I am experiencing the goodness of God. His shines his goodness, regardless of ME; my behaviour, attitude, external things... He is good, regardless of me...

"I will extol you, my God and King, and bless your name forever and ever.
Every day I will bless you and praise your name forever and ever.
Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable.
One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.
On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.
They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds, and I will declare your greatness.
They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness and shall sing aloud of your righteousness. The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
The LORD is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made."
Psalm 145:1 - 9

Daily

It seems that very often when I ask a question about living out my faith, I am given the answer, 'it's about walking it out daily with God.'

'How do I get victory over this area of sin in my life?'

'Walk it out daily with God.'

'How do I grow into my identity?'

'Walk it out daily with God.'

'How to I keep my head above the surface?'

'Walk it out daily with God.'

'How do I have a godly, fun, right relationship with Joel?'

'Walk it out daily with God.'

My daily relationship with God is predominantly conversational. The bulk of our relationship happens when I am not having a 'Quiet Time. (I don't like the term 'quiet time' because it implies that I must be quiet and some of my 'quiet times' can be quite loud). 

I guess it is like any relationship. Relationships don't become 'real' until they involve real life. I can meet with friends only when I am dressed up, looking my best, in an air conditioned cafe for an hour occasionally, and we may really get on and have good feelings about each other, but if that friend was to come over to my house on a saturday morning when I am doing little chores, wearing old clothes, no make up, my hair just anyhow... well, they'd meet a very different Jasmin. It's still me, just me in a different way.

Maybe it is like that with God? Maybe if we only go for dates with God at church, we only get a one sided view of him, but it is in the daily living, the real life, that we get a fuller picture of the real him?

Lies About Sex

I went for lunch with my Mongolian friend, Chuka, today. I was telling her a story that I had read from a book. The author was illustrating how children can hear the voice of God. 

My son Dominic, who was four years old at the time, crawled onto my lap and leaned in close. We were sitting in the front row of a Bible College chapel. I had been teaching there for orientation week and was about to share my final "two cents worth". As the worship time wound down, I asked Domo, " What is God showing you about the students here?" He briefly scanned the crowd over my shoulder and replied, "God is telling me that some of them have ruined gardens." The imagery stunned me. In Song of Solomon, the garden is a specific symbol for a woman's sexuality (Songs 4:12 - 5:1). In that context, a locked garden represents the bride's virginity. Her invitation to the love to enter her garden and taste its fruit is a picture of consensual intercourse. Of course, Domo knew none of this. Yet to me, the image of the ruined garden (i.e., sexual brokenness) was so striking that I followed it up, "What does Jesus want to do about that?" He replied, " Jesus wants to plant new flowers in their gardens." This spoke to me of restored innocence.

[from ‘Children, Can You Hear Me?’ by Brad Jersak]

After I had shared, she began to tell me a tradition of Mongolia. Mongolians were always hospitable. The would always offer food and a bed to any guest without the guest having to ask. They would welcome them into their gers, the Mongolian round tents. Inside the tent, there were not separate rooms, but one large open space. The guest would sleep in the centre, the parents on one side and the children on the other side. Mongolian parents were always looking for eligible men for their daughters. They would ‘size’ their guest up, to ascertain if he was wealthy. They’d look at his clothes, his pipe, etc. If they had a beautiful, young daughter, they would try to get the man with her.

In the middle of the night, the guest would crawl over to where the daughter was sleeping. The parents would be able to hear. If the parents were against the man, the father would light a candle and the guest would know that he was not welcome to the daughter and would go back to bed. If, however, the father did not light a candle, the guest would have sex with the daughter, then and there!

In the morning, the parents would try to ‘sell’ their daughter to the man, but even after having sex with her, the guest was under no obligation to marry her and could leave if he chose.

This custom is mostly not followed today in Mongolia, as the country is becoming modernized and people are moving out of gers and into cities.

She was also telling me how it was the children’s responsibility to look after the animals. Often the children would need to herd the sheep and other animals a few hours away from the ger in order to find good pasture for them to graze on. This often meant that young girls would be out alone in the countryside. If men were riding by and saw a young girl who they were attracted to, they would stop and rape them. These young girls were completely defenseless. 

It was a rare thing for any girl to still be a virgin on her wedding day.

I’ve been thinking about this tradition. I am amazed at how Satan has taken an entire culture and changed the value of sex. This tradition did not protect and value women but left them open to be used and abused. Sex was reduced to a ‘try before you buy’ mentality (which is very common today also). How can an entire people group think so little of their young girls and women? Oh, the lies we have bought into!

Something Must Be Done

This morning I was heart broken as I read the news on my laptop screen. Three men in Somalia raped a young girl, only 13 years old. If that was not enough, after she reported the rape, accusations of adultery were laid against her. This girl was taken to a stadium where 1000 spectators watched as dozens of men stoned her to death.

I sat in my comfortable room, having just eaten breakfast after waking up in a warm bed, and thought of this girl. I imagined what it must be like to have three grown men force themselves on her small body. I thought about how much courage it would have taken for her to report these men. She must have trusted the authorities to protect her and to bring justice to those who had so dishonoured her. I thought about how shocked she must have felt when, instead of protecting her, the authorities accused her of adultery. I imagined her terror as they dragged her into a stadium packed with 1000 people watching as dozens of men picked up stones and began to throw them at her. In my mind, I saw the stones breaking into her skin and body; her physical boundaries once again violated. I wondered at how she bore the physical and emotional pain. What was the last thing her eyes saw, her ears heard, her skin felt, before her short life ended so cruelly?

I cried for this girl. My heart ached at the thought of all that she had to endure. What did she learn about herself through her short life, her identity as a young woman warped out of shape by the lies screamed at her through the actions of those around her? ‘You are only worth what we say you are! You are not worth fighting for, protecting, nurturing, loving! You are a liar...’ the list goes on.

Then I began to think of the thousands of others who stories run along the same lines. Child prostitution and slavery are epidemic. So many women are not valued as daughters of God, as He created them to be.

God wept over this girl. God weeps over all the horrendous things we humans do to each other. And the injustices continue to be done…

I sat and felt overwhelming hopelessness. With so much evil in the world, what could I do to change it? I am one person, with my own struggles and identity issues, trying to find my own way. What is the solution to these crimes?

I do not know the answer to my questions. I feel so small and insignificant.

I am filled with a deep knowing that something must be done…

We can no longer shut our eyes to the injustice that happens in our world. The globe is getting smaller and smaller as transport becomes faster and more readily available. It is possible to get to any part of the earth in a relatively short amount of time. We live in an age of ‘fighting for our rights’ and materialism. We seek comfort for ourselves and remain blind to the needs of those around us.

I do not have answers, but I pray to God that I do not lose the fire that sparks up at stories like this.

In the meantime, I can pray. I can pray that God will convict the perpetrators of these crimes. I can pray that light will continue to shine on this evil until eventually enough people rise up and put a stop to it. How many more victims must there be before we stand up to this enemy? 

[From my diary, 2008]

Faith

Oh Lord You lead me
By the still waters
Quietly restoring my soul
You speak words of wisdom
The promise of the glory
The power of the presence of God

Have faith in God
Let your hope rest on the faith
He has placed in your heart
Never give up, never let go of the faith
He has placed in your heart

Oh Lord You guide me
Through all the darkness
Turning my nights into day
And You'll never leave me
Never forsake me
The power of the presence of God


'Have Faith in God'
Word Music, 1993

Pride is Ugly. God is Faithful

As a YWAMer, we all ‘live by faith’ in the traditional understanding of those words. None of us receive pay or are on a salary and we have to learn to raise support for ourselves, and that failing, trust God to provide for the finances and needs that we have. I do believe that we are all meant to ‘live by faith’ regardless of your job or financial status. I believe that finances are meant to be held with an open hand, allowing God to give and take as he sees fit and trust him both in lack or want, that HE is the one who provides and that he has greater financial wisdom than we could ever have. Therefore he can be trusted with our money, if it is a great or small amount.

I have lived without a salary or pay for 3 years now. It has been a challenge, to say the least. Just as soon as I reach a ‘new level’ in faith for finances, I am tested again and forced to come back to God as my sole provider.

After all these lessons and all this time, I still had a humbling lesson over the weekend.

I had some very large bills recently. Things that are not in ‘normal life’ and are unforeseen costs. I had the money for the bills as I’ve been saving what I can, but once everything was paid I was left with $20 to my name. 

On Sunday I went to church and I was chatting with God as the congregation was preparing for the offering time. I felt God ask, how much of your $20 do you have faith to give me. I told him a figure of a few dollars. Then I felt him challenge me to go beyond that figure and to trust him. So I did. Even though we are talking about small amounts, when it is the last of the money anywhere in sight, it is really hard to give it up! 

On Sunday night, a close friend of mine found out about my situation and wanted to give me some money. I replied that I was ‘too proud’ to accept it. My friend asked me if I loved my pride more than them? I didn’t have an answer so I went and spent some time praying. I felt that God told me to not be proud, so I apologized to my friend and sent them the account details.

On Monday (yesterday), I received another text message from a friend saying that they’d like to sponsor me a certain amount for a specified period of time. I was overjoyed! Although the amount promised is not even close to my monthly costs, I felt that God was showing me his faithfulness and encouraging me to keep trusting in him.

Life is Not Fair

Having lived a life that was far from fair, I long ago reconciled the fact that life really just isn't fair, and to expect or demand that it is fair is unrealistic.
Just looking around, the unfairness of life is immediately apparent. Why is it that some people are more intelligent then others? Why is it that some people are musically gifted without even trying? Why are some people raised by parents who love, value and nurture them while others are raised with abuse and hatred?
I struggled with these questions for a very long time. Why did I have to go through the things I went through while other people seemed to have life served on a silver platter.
I was at a seminar at church over the weekend and afterwards I was talking with the Pastor's wife, Christina. She started to share some stories from her past and then she made a comment that struck and stuck with me. 'God is the great equalizer. Life is fair because everyone has the same God.' 
This is profound to my thinking. I have never viewed it from this angle before. 
How true it is, that in the unfairness of life, we all have access to the same and wonderful God, who is the Father to all. We can all come to him, no matter what circumstance we are in, no matter how screwed up, messed up, beat up. As I look back over my own life, I can only thank God for pulling me through and raising me up. Seriously. I should not be as 'okay' as I am. And without him, I wouldn't be. It reminds me again of one of my very favourite passages in the Bible:

He sent from on high, he took me; he drew me out of many waters. He rescued me from my strong enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me. Psalm 18:16 - 19

I was at cell a few weeks ago and the leader asked the question, 'Who is Jesus to you?' I thought about this for a while, and came to this conclusion. Jesus is my rescuer. He came and saved me when I was in great danger. He was a stranger to me, but after he saved me we became friends. And as the years pass, we are becoming closer and closer friends.
God is so wonderful and so just.