Bottoms Before Bags

It happens so often that it has almost become normal.

When travelling on public transport or sitting in public places, we put our bags on the seat next to us.

I really get it. No one likes to put their lovely (and sometimes very expensive) bag on the dirty floor. Floors are filthy. 

Today, I took the boys to a nearby water play park. There are quite a few bench seats around, each catering for two adults. When I first arrived, it was not very crowded, so I dumped my three bags on the seat next to me and sat doing my crochet while the boys splashed and played. 

An hour later, more people had arrived and all available benches were taken. I looked up from my crochet and noticed a fellow mum standing as there was no where to sit, watching her own kids play. I quickly packed up my things, trying to get her eye contact across the space to indicate that I was making room for her. As that didn't work, as soon as I had put everything down, I walked over and asked her if she would like to take a seat. She looked so grateful and thanked me profusely. 

You're welcome, I said. It's too hot to stand around. 

And that was the total sum of our conversation. 

But it made me think about the common occurrence where I have had to stand while others have taken space with their bags. 

And I also wondered how often I had not noticed others standing while my bag occupied a seat?

The most expensive bag I have ever owned was probably about $200. I really don't remember. It was so long ago since 'branded' meant anything to me. I don't actually know how much branded bags cost, but have heard of them costing thousands in some cases. 

There is NO bag that is more valuable than a person. None. When a person becomes less important than an object, something is seriously wrong. 

Our personal convenience should also not outweigh the value of another human. It's easier when carrying multiple bags to take up more seats than we need to. There are, of course, exceptions to this. I am not trying to be legalistic. I have often struggled carrying a backpack, a tote or three, and had the two boys alone while on public transport and in such cases, as much grace as possible from my fellow commuters is welcome! 

But as far as I am humanly able, I want to communicate worth to those around me. To make space, to give grace and to assign value in the right direction. 

Our Childrens' Hearts

We are now two days away from the biggest move of our 4-year-old's life. He was 21-months-old when we moved into our current home. Although this new home will be his fifth since he was born, this is the only one he remembers living in.

We started to notice some difficult behaviour in him last week. He was sometimes angry, and at other times anxious. When I sat down with him to talk, he made statements like, "I will miss my friends", "I will miss this house" and "I feel angry". 

Levi is the most like me, in terms of outward appearance, but also character and personality. One of the traits that we share is that we don't like change. We enjoy adventures, exploring, creativity, new experiences, but we both need and crave a stable home life. 

For myself, growing up, I had the opposite of stability. I have lived in more than 20 homes in my life. My family moved very often, usually every 1 - 2 years. There was no real reason for moving so often. I am not entirely sure why we did. I learnt to manage and to cope, but as an adult, I can process it better now and can see how the instability led to a lot of different behaviours in me. 

For example, I was constantly collecting things. I like to save and hoard things because they were constants. Granted, there was also the creative component of that, in that I saw beauty and usefulness in almost everything.

Levi is quite similar. He loves collections. He knows all his toys and notices if any go missing. 

As a parent during a major life change like moving house, it can be easy in the busyness of packing, etc. to forget that we are responsible to carry, care for and help with the processing of our children's emotions. They do not have the same ability to analyse what they are feeling and to respond appropriately. Change is inevitable, but how we deal with it helps us to transition well. 

So we sit with him. We engage. We give him space to talk. We don't tell him he is silly. We acknowledge his pain. We let him talk about what scares him. Often just the act of looking into his eyes and reiterating his emotions is enough to bring peace to his heart.