Healing in the Sun

I have been sick for the past 3 days. I’ve been on AB and MC. I’m not so good at being cooped up inside. I get bored quite quickly. I slept for most of the first two days but by days three, I could sleep no more. I tried so many things to amuse myself but just needed to GET OUT.

Finally this afternoon, I was walking along our balcony and saw the sun. It was 6:15pm and was preparing to set. I wasn’t really thinking about staying there, but somehow, for some reason, I just stopped. I rested against the railing, closed my eyes and just let the sun soak me. Without realising, tears started to run down my cheeks. 

After just 10 minutes, I felt more alive and healed, more so emotionally than physically, than I had for the whole three days previously.

I opened my eyes and looked at the trees, the grass, the sky, the sun setting behind a cloud and became fully aware of the fact that no iPhone app, no Facebook, or game, no Youtube, no email... nothing could replace or equal even just 10 minutes in God’s creation.

I ended up staying there for half an hour. After a while, my tears turned into tears of overwhelming understanding of how good God is. I could not handle the amount of his love that I felt was washing over me.

I began to think to myself, wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a moment like this every day with God? To be so healed every single day!

But maybe God DOES prepare these incredible moments every single day for each one of us? Maybe every day, he invites us to find peace and joy and rest in the fresh beauty made only for that day? And maybe, most days, we miss it. 

I wonder what God thinks when he watches us rush around from one thing to the next, hurry here and there, often on what we deem to be ‘his business’ (especially for those of us in full time ministry)? And yet he is waiting for us to stop and marvel at his handiwork, or to steal a moment with him where we are completely engulfed in his goodness and mercy and love.

I wonder if we are being lied to? I wonder if we are being sold a picture of what life is supposed to look like that is not God’s truth or God’s best? I wonder if being busy isn’t what God had in mind when he made you and me and dreamed a destiny for us?

Growing Pains

It feels like I have been in a growing stage of my life for the past five years continuously. It seems like God has been holding a magnifying glass to my heart and I am not always so happy with what is revealed.

To be honest, I get tired of it sometimes. I get a petulant desire to have a break and to not be confronted with the matters of my heart that are not so lovely and pleasing to God.

But then I think about the alternative. I imagine what it would be like to stop growing, to become stagnant and stay the same. I think I would get bored within two minutes. 

I vividly remember, when I was growing up, praying to God that one day I would not have a boring life. I seem to have been born with a taste for challenge and adventure. And it seems that God has answered my prayers.

I have three potted plants in my room. I have always loved nature and I love to have some of it inside. One of my plants is particularly fast growing. It has thickened and sprouted so profusely over the past 6 months. I love to look see how luscious it is when I walk into my room. But it wasn’t always like that. 

In order for the plant to grow, I had to prune it a lot. When I first got it, I trimmed it back almost weekly, a little bit here, a little bit there. Sometimes it grew in a direction that I didn’t want it to, so I cut off those leaves and stalks.

One day I was reading from John 15. It talks about God being a gardener and how he cuts off any branches that do not bear fruit. He even prunes the branches that do bear fruit. Either way, the branches get cut. Which would hurt. And would not feel comfortable.

When I look at my own potted plant, I realise that there are two purposes for the pruning. First, I prune the dead sections off my plant to encourage growth. I want my plant to be as full and green as possible. Secondly, I prune my plant, because I want it to look beautiful. 

When I look at John 15 with these things in mind, the idea of being ‘pruned’ is not so terrible. I keep in mind that God wants me to grow, to be vibrant and to be beautiful, inside and out. 

I do not want to be stagnant and ‘fruitless’. I want to have all the nasty ‘dead’ parts of me, my attitudes, actions and thoughts, cut out so that there is room for grace, love and compassion towards the people around me.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. John 15:1 - 8

Greener Grass

The grass is always greener on the other side...

I had to fly home to Australia last week. My Grandfather died and I was going to his funeral.

On the plane there, I was attended to by a rather good looking attendant. He was really sensitive to the passengers in his area. Actually I didn’t really notice him at first but after half a flight he really stood out. 

I had to purchase something from inflight shopping. I handed it to another attendant that was walking by but after some time the guy bought it back. There were some complications with the payment (different currencies) and I had to go to the back of the plane.

(On a side note, it was the A380, my first time flying on it. It is HUGE and I like the details: new colour scheme, more comfortable seats, better inflight entertainment.)

He started chatting with me, asking where I am from, why I am going home, do I like living in Singapore, etc. When he found out I was going home for my Pa’s funeral, he was so sincere and caring.

I went back to my seat and thought about it all. I am very conscious in my relationship about not flirting and about being faithful, even in my mind, to Joel. It’s important to me.

But it felt nice to be cared for. It could have been that I was feeling vulnerable.

Then I stopped myself. What was I looking for? I want to be cared for? Feel loved? I already have this and so much more in the relationship I already have.

I realized that if I want to look for ‘greener grass’ in someone else, I will find it. There are hundreds of men in the world who would have different strengths to Joel. But right now, I AM loved, cared for, protected, valued. Why would I trade what I definitely have for a possibility. 

I like the green grass that I already have. 

I guess it comes down to choice really. And thankfulness for the good things I already have.