Halfway

Today marks the halfway point through this pregnancy. What a ride! I think I've been unwell more than I have been well. And I joke that this kid had better be so incredible and go on to change the world, to make up for all the trouble...

I'm not being serious.

I love my kid and he/she can be a bum if they want to.

But coming to halfway has increased the freak out factor. That is, freaking out about the fact that I have to get a whole human being out of me. Not a pleasant thought to be sure.

So far, I have been on a fairly predictable cycle of freak out, talk to God about it, calm down again, walk in trust... and then freak out again...

It doesn't help that for some reason people feel the need to tell me their horror stories now especially. Always in a kind, I-am-trying-to-help-you tone of voice.

I have been hearing stories and doing research on the whole spectrum of child birthing. There is the one extreme of supernatural/natural child birth with no intervention, through to the other end with every kind of pain relief available. And also hearing the arguments for and against each side.

And the thing is, I have no idea how my body is going to respond to giving birth. My friend has an incredibly high pain threshold and she needed intervention quite early on.

Everything is quite unpredictable and yet I need to make decisions beforehand... based on things that I don't yet know the answers to.

This has led me to think through, what is my ideal child birth.

And put simply, I want a birthing experience where the Holy Spirit is present.

I don't know practical what that looks like.

But I do know that God hasn't given me a spirit of fear, but He gave me a spirit of power, love and a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7).

And that's all I know for sure right now...

Christmas and The Year in Review

The First Christmas at The Justins, 2012

Eight days until Christmas! 

I'm finding it hard to work out where this year went to. So much has happened and time has flown by!

This Christmas feels more significant to me someone. It's the first one married and the last one without kids. Also, because most years one of us is away at this time of year on a mission trip, we have not actually properly celebrated it... ever.

Christmas is not a big deal for Joel's family. They don't really do presents or put up decorations.

For my family growing up, my parents made a choice to not celebrate it because of its ties to pagan culture. Fair enough.

But for me, Christmas has always been a special time of year. It means family, coming together and celebrating the year, taking time to rest, being thankful, and preparing for the coming year spiritually.

This has been an odd year, where most of my plans were thrown out the window through unforeseen circumstances. It was an incredibly good year, and a very tough one.

In February, I made a trip to Shanghai to visit Roy and have my wedding dress made. It was so fun to see him in his natural environment, to visit a new city in the country that I love and to get my wedding dress made! Triple points!

In March, I went to Aus and Mum and I went to Hillsong Women's Colour Conference. Wow! There is such a holy atmosphere there. Although I didn't get major direction or a specific word (I wasn't actually looking for that), I think I needed that time of connection with God to get through the coming months.

The day after I got home from Sydney, I was moving a dining table by myself (Miss. Independent. I learnt from that experience!) and managed to drop the whole thing on my poor toe, which resulted in multiple fractures and months of pain.

In April, I freaked out. One month before the wedding, all the 'what ifs' were filling my head with junk. What if marriage is terrible? What if this is a bad idea? What if his family and I don't get on? What if..? What if..? Joel should thank God for Roy, who loving calmed me down and reminded me of God's words to us.

In May... we got married! All the fears and doubts immediately vanished and it was the start of the best season of my life! We honeymooned in Sydney and Lombok, which was so restful.

In August, we made a baby! 

August until now has been filled with good days and bad days as my morning sickness dictates how I am and what I can do. It has been a struggle to keep up with the work I need to get done before I leave cease staffing at YWAM Singapore next year. It has been a challenge, but not necessarily a bad one. I am learning to balance self-care with productivity. And learning to stand firm on the decision my husband and I make. Also learning to follow through on the things I believe God has said to me.

And 2013 looks to be another interesting year. 

We've been blessed with a trip home in January. I am so looking forward to seeing my Nanna and family and also to spending time with Joel before the new and busy year kicks into gear.

Joel and I will be full time students in the School of Biblical Studies (SBS) from February - November. I will continue to work part time February until April but from May, I am no longer staff! How weird that will feel!

Our baby is due May 8 and my Mum will be coming over for 3 weeks to help out and see the little one.

I foresee a lot of lessons...

Value

Last week, we had the truly unique experience of being offered a baby for adoption.

The baby’s mother is unmarried and the father has already abandoned them. She is too poor to even afford some of the scans required. And the baby is due in March 2013.

I was contacted because a friend of mine, who heard about this baby, knows my passion for adoption.

In spite of the fact that we are ourselves having a baby in May 2013, my heart broke for this wee one. We sincerely did pray about if we should take on this baby. And in the end, decided that this was not for us in this season of time.

This whole incident put me on a line of thinking.

My own sweet baby is still five months from being born, and yet already is so loved and wanted and valued. And not just by Joel and I. Our parents and siblings, friends and community all love and long for this baby. We are being showered with gifts and practical help for once our baby comes along.

And then there is this other baby; rejected before he or she is even born. Not wanted. In a sense, a child of pain. 

My heart breaks for such children. And I burn with hatred towards the lies being practiced in the world and the sin that creates situations where children are not celebrated, loved, cherished and protected.

We were talking with one of our leaders about our baby and he said to us, a child needs four things: belonging, identity, destiny and security. 

This poor unknown baby is being robbed of those right now. 

Please, take a moment to pray for this little one.