Halfway

Today marks the halfway point through this pregnancy. What a ride! I think I've been unwell more than I have been well. And I joke that this kid had better be so incredible and go on to change the world, to make up for all the trouble...

I'm not being serious.

I love my kid and he/she can be a bum if they want to.

But coming to halfway has increased the freak out factor. That is, freaking out about the fact that I have to get a whole human being out of me. Not a pleasant thought to be sure.

So far, I have been on a fairly predictable cycle of freak out, talk to God about it, calm down again, walk in trust... and then freak out again...

It doesn't help that for some reason people feel the need to tell me their horror stories now especially. Always in a kind, I-am-trying-to-help-you tone of voice.

I have been hearing stories and doing research on the whole spectrum of child birthing. There is the one extreme of supernatural/natural child birth with no intervention, through to the other end with every kind of pain relief available. And also hearing the arguments for and against each side.

And the thing is, I have no idea how my body is going to respond to giving birth. My friend has an incredibly high pain threshold and she needed intervention quite early on.

Everything is quite unpredictable and yet I need to make decisions beforehand... based on things that I don't yet know the answers to.

This has led me to think through, what is my ideal child birth.

And put simply, I want a birthing experience where the Holy Spirit is present.

I don't know practical what that looks like.

But I do know that God hasn't given me a spirit of fear, but He gave me a spirit of power, love and a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7).

And that's all I know for sure right now...