Daddy's Princess

One thing that God has been telling me a lot lately is that I am his princess. 
Now, firstly, I'd like to say that one of my friends started a ministry called 'Save a Princess' and I truly believe in her vision. She aims to restore women to their true identity as Daughters of God in freedom and wholeness.
But I do sometimes think (to myself) that the whole 'God's Princess' thing is a little over done. It makes me think of grown women wearing baby pink tutus prancing around, being spoilt and advocating the 'prosperity doctrine'. 
My view on possessions is a bit skewed actually. I was raised strongly on the idea that 'money is bad'. Not that it was said so clearly, but the message was still quite clear. As I moved into my working life, I learnt to spend... and spend I did! What I wanted, I bought. I shopped mostly without looking at price tags. I grew in my self indulgence as the years went by.
And then I went to Bible College... I was flat broke that year. Seriously. No money. I love that year because I learnt a lot about finding value in things outside of finances. I learnt to treasure little treats, to enjoy the simple things in life.
After that year, I joined YWAM. In YWAM, no one is paid, in fact we pay them to work for them. During my time in YWAM, God has proven to me his utter faithfulness and how he delights in giving me little surprises and 'unnecessary' treats. He is not a stingy Dad.
However, even though he blesses me abundantly and he has ALWAYS been faithful to provide, I still have areas where I swing between a poverty mentality and self indulgence. I am a work in progress...
And now, God is teaching me to be his princess. 
Since the start of this year, I have been blessed with some really beautiful things. And everytime, Daddy whispers to me, see how precious you are...
I have never felt so loved in my life...

My Hero

JJ was at home today and he heard loud shouting coming from outside his apartment. Upon looking out of the window, he saw an older Chinese man verbally abusing and harassing a Bangladeshi worker, trying to sweep the path. 
He went downstairs and asked the Chinese man what was wrong. He discovered that the Chinese man was very drunk. He started swearing and cussing and yelling about the 'lazy' worker who wasn't doing his job. But actually he was the one stopping the worker from doing his work.
The Bangladeshi worker had been harassed by the same man for three consecutive days.
In the end, JJ sent the Chinese man off. He asked the worker if he was okay. Then he thanked the man for doing his job.
When I heard this, my heart was so touched. Some people would be bother or disturbed by seeing this incident, but very few people would actually step out to do something about it. 
It reminded me of a verse in Psalm 45:


'In your majesty ride forth victoriously for the cause of truth, humility and righteousness; let your right hand display awesome deeds.' v 4


I love hearing about people who stand up against injustice. It impacts me even more when I already know and love the one who stands up. 
I love this in JJ's heart. I am so proud that he didn't just ignore the event but was proactive to step out and do the right thing.
Thank you for being Jesus to the man who was being abused...

The Final Fixing of the Foolish Fugitive - A Parable

Feeling footloose, fancy-free and frisky, this feather-brained fellow finagled his fond father into forking over his fortune. Forthwith, he fled for foreign fields and frittered his farthings feasting fabulously with fair-weather friends. Finally, facing famine, and fleeced by his fellows in folly, he found himself a feed flinger in a filthy farmlot. He fain would have filled his frame with foraged food from the fodder fragments.

“Fooey! My father’s flunkies fare far fancier,” the frazzled fugitive fumed feverishly, frankly facing fact.

Frustrated from failure and filled with forebodings, he fled for his family.

Falling at his father’s feet, he floundered forlornly. “Father, I have flunked and fruitlessly forfeited further family favours…”

But the faithful father, forestalling further flinching, frantically flagged his flunkies to fetch forth the finest fatling and fix a feast.

But the fugitive’s fault-finding frater, faithfully farming his father’s fields for free, frowned at this fickle forgiveness of former falderal. His fury flashed, but fussing was futile.

His foresighted father figured, “such filial fidelity is fine, but what forbids fervent festivities? The fugitive is found! Unfurl the flags! With fanfare flaring, let fun, frolic and frivolity flow freely, former failures forgotten and folly forsaken. Forgiveness forms a firm foundation for future fortitude.

- Rev. W.O. Taylor

Ending was the Best Part

The outreach has come to an end and I must confess, my highlight of the week was walking into my room after the debrief today and realizing that I don't have to think 10 steps ahead anymore, organize people, plan programs, etc. etc. That was a joy!

This evening, I had dinner at Charles and Rosalie's place, my neighbours in the YWAM 23 House. Irene from the office was also there. It was healing to be there, to have a family meal, to celebrate communion, share stories about the week, pray, eat good food, wash the dishes together and drink nice coffee, still sharing and discovering more about each other.

A new challenge is looming ahead of me now, and drawing near very quickly. I am in the worship team for the coming 50th Celebration of YWAM that is being held in Singapore. I am leading worship for one of the sessions... This will really test my words. Am I genuine when I say that worship is a lifestyle that overflows, or am I performance driven? Do I want to look good, especially in front of the 'greats' of YWAM, glorifying myself, putting on a good show? To be honest, there is an edge of that. I DO want to look good and be seen to be looking good.

However, that is ugly. Worship should NEVER be about me, to make me look good or to draw attention to myself. When I have that focus, I get nervous. Because it is about me...

God, I really want to make this worship about YOU. I want to lead people to YOU and then step back, not even be the focus. But my pride and ambition is getting in the way... Please help me...

The Field

The field is white for harvest

The labourers are at home

Having a lovely sharing time

While an old man dies alone

The field is white for harvest

The labourers have just come out of church

Chatting over biscuits and coffee,

While a young girl cries from the hurt

Biscuits and coffee

The field is white for harvest

The labourers often speak

Of how may souls really need to be saved

And what she is wearing his week

How many souls really need to be saved?

The field is white for harvest

But none of us really give a stuff

We turn on the tele’ or go out for coffee,

Eating mudcake until we’ve had quite enough

Quite enough quite enough… Have you had enough yet?

What do you think Jesus meant when he said

The field is white for harvest but the labourers are few? 

The field is white for harvest

But first we really must do

An accredited course so we’re qualified

To tell people that Jesus is true

Well it’s Jesus who qualifies you

The field is white for harvest

The labourer sits and thinks

I’m feeling quite challenged

I really should do something

But first I’ll listen to the end of this song

- Claire Hazzard

Further Lessons in Leadership

My learning curve got steeper a few days ago with some conflict within the team I am leading, mostly targeted at me, although in reality, the issue has been ongoing from well before my leadership period. This has caused me to stop and think and add two more points to my previous lessons:

5. Communication is the Key
Communication is light. When someone stops talking, everyone else is in the dark as to what is happening.


6. Never Give Up, Never Let Go
No matter how much people hurt you, knowingly or otherwise, never give up on them and never let go of them and dismiss them for whatever reason. Reminds me of 1 Corinthians, 'Love Never Ends'.

Lessons in Leadership

I am leading a local (Singapore) outreach team for the DTS that I am staffing at the moment. It has been a major learning curve for me. I am halfway through the tens days, but here are some lessons I have been learning so far:

1. Lose Control

When I try to control the program, the outcomes, the attitudes, etc in my team that is when I get utterly frustrated and pent up. I cannot control every circumstance or incident. I need to 'let go' and trust God that the things that need to be done will be done.

2. Let Life Be Messy

Life is not neatly packaged and to expect it to be so is unrealistic.

3. Value the Relationships

 When I look back over these five days, the moments when I was most energized and 'alive' are the times I stopped and chatted with the students one on one, when I stole a moment to truly connect without any agenda. When I put task over relationships, I was disappointed and my expectations were not met. When ‘relationship’ is the ‘task’, then every moment where I focus on the relationship accomplishes the ‘task’.

4. Success Belongs to God Alone

In the end, the success or failure of this team is not in my hands. As long as I honestly do the absolute best that I know how to do, then that is 'success' to God. God does not ask for better than my best.

Since coming to that place this afternoon, I feel so much more peaceful and at ease with myself, with the team and with God.

Thailand in Pictures

The Cost to Seek His Face

Following on from the desire growing inside me to seek God’s face first of all, comes the question, what will it cost? What will it cost to seek God’s face FIRST? What will I have to choose to do, or not do, or think, or say, or desire, in order to seek his face?

There are some things that I don’t actually want to give up. Some heart attitudes, for example. It is more comfortable to pretend that I am perfect, that I don’t need a spring clean in my heart. Unfortunately it is not true.

So I must weigh up… these ‘things’ and the comfort of not admitting that maybe I am not as wonderful as I would like to think I am OR seeking God’s face first and foremost.

I am reading 1 John at the moment. It is a great book! I recommend you check it out. A few of verses really hit me:

‘Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and the pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.’ 1 John 2:15 – 17 ESV

The attitudes in my heart that I want to stay comfortable in are part of the ‘things of this world’ and these things are ‘passing away’.

What is more valuable?

A New Adventure

Welcome to 2010!

I am amazing that it has been a full 10 years since we moved into the new millennium. The past decade has been full of struggles and pain, but the goodness of God and his handprints on my life are now clearly visible as I look back over this time.

In the past decade, I've seen dramatic changes in my life. In 2000, I celebrated my 16th birthday and started a journey that ultimately bought me to my lowest point. After losing faith in religion, losing myself in a relationship and living through a broken family, I came to crisis point on October 5, 2005 and in that moment, Daddy God was there. It turns out he had been waiting to meet me for a long time.

The past 5 years have been about me discovering what a Dad actually is and what it means to have a Father-Daughter relationship. I have never known what it is to have a healthy relationship with a Father and, as he promises in Psalm 68:5 that he is a Father to the Fatherless, he truly stepped in and became my Daddy. It is difficult to completely explain, but he did the things that a Father does, provided for me, listened to me, comforted me, and above all, gave me my identity, even though I have still not completely grasped it and still struggle to completely believe it. He also sent godly men into my life to show me that not all men are like the ones I have experienced.

First, he brought John and Mary-lou Palm, an American couple who became like grandparents to me for a period of time before coming to Singapore. After this, he gave me Roy Christian, my Discipleship Training School Leader. Roy was and still is an amazing example of a Father to me. He loves me, disciplines me, listens to me and gives great advice, sometimes with a slap, but always with love.

Then, I began dating JJ... What a gift he has been to me! JJ is steady where I am flighty, humble where I am proud, loving always, committed continually and has restored in me a belief that men can be faithful and true to one person. JJ has shown me a picture of God that loves me regardless of what I say and do. Sure, we fight, but he has loved me well.

God also bought Steve Loh and his lovely wife into my life. Steve is like a big brother to me, encouraging me, believing in me and giving me opportunities to grow and develop my character. Priscilla is always ready to listen and love me.

Most recently, Joe Chean has also been a wonderful addition to life. After getting over my initial fear of him (ha, ha!), I found him to be a very loving leader, a master discipler who genuinely is interested in seeing the people under him grown and develop into better leaders and lovers of God.

For all these men, I am truly grateful.

To Daddy God, words can never express how much I love you.

In 2010, I will be celebrating my 26^th Birthday. In my heart, I have felt a desire stirring for some months. I want to see God’s face. Recently I was reading in Exodus how Moses saw God’s face. At that point, he had not done much to deserve it. It was not like he was superhuman and was therefore worthy to see God. But once he saw God’s face, he was never the same again.

I don’t really know what that means, to see God’s face. I don’t know if I will be fried or crushed or explode. But I cannot shake the desire, the fragile hope that maybe, just maybe, it is possible.

So in 2010, looking forward to this coming decade, I pray for a deeper understanding, a core ‘knowing’ of God that I’ve never had before, a greater love for people (something that I struggle with!!) and to see God’s face…