Love Without Fear

I was having a discussion not long ago with a friend. She was telling me that we shouldn’t love guys more than they love us. She said that the key is to be the one loved more than the one loving. She said that it isn’t safe to love more than the other person. She said that if you love someone else completely, with all your heart, you’ll get hurt.
I completely disagree with my friend.
Love cannot be based on fear, or else it is not really love. Perhaps it is survival instead.
I believe that true love is about loving with all, without being conditionally dependent on the other persons love for you.
I see that in Jesus. He loved, even though it cost him every and wasn’t appreciated.
But I struggle with then. Because my own love is conditional.
Lately, my love has been put to the test. In a few of my relationships, I have had to come to a place of love-by-choice, not love-by-feeling. In the past two especially, I have been put in situations where love would be close to my last natural response.
And yet, as I am facing these people and circumstances, the Spirit within me gently says, ‘love’.
As I approach the coming Discipleship Training School that I am staffing, when I spend time praying, the word that keeps coming to me is:


Will I allow myself to go into someone else’s pain? Will I respond with love towards unlovable people? Will I look through God’s eyes, or through my own?


I believe that true love costs everything. If love is cheap, then maybe it is not love at all?
But should I fear love? If it will cost me everything I have, is it something to be feared?
In the book of first John, Paul says that ‘God IS love’. God is to be honoured and revered, yes. But he is not to be afraid of. He is terrifying. And abounding in steadfast love.
I do not want to live my life being afraid of loving too much. I don’t want to pour out my love in measurements; exactingly.
I want to live my life throwing love from me out of the abundance of love that God continually showers on me


1 John 4:18 - 19
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us.

That’s What Christians Are Supposed To Do

I was at my boyfriend’s house today. His parents were hosting an open house day and I was there helping out. During one of the lulls between visitors, I had a chat with his Aunt. 

This is one amazing woman! She is a women’s rights activist. She has had some crazy adventures, been to prison, tortured... the works! As I listened to her telling story after story, I was completely in awe.

I then asked her a question. ‘What made you decide to get into this line of work?’

Her answer has left me pondering ever since.

‘I did this work because I thought that is what Christians are supposed to do.’

How profound.

I am Australian. I come from the ninth richest country in the world. I live in Singapore, the fourth richest nation. I understand affluence. Even though my family were never wealthy, we definitely had it good in world standards.

I used to work for Sportscraft, which is a fashion label in Australia. I managed one of their stores. It was actually during my time there that I decided to be a Christian again. Even in the short time between my recommitment and my resignation from the job, I already was struggling with the commercialism that I was endorsing. I found it difficult to spend my days convincing relatively wealthy people that they need to buy my products to further their comfort and style. 

So I got out. And went to Bible College.

Which brings me back to Joel’s Aunt’s answer.

I live in a world of the pursuit of comfort, pleasure and convenience. There is very little difference between the Christians and non-Christians in this area. 

I feel sad that sometimes, as Christians, we are more interested in looking after our own comfort, than in being a voice for the voiceless. We value our own safety higher than we value being justice fighters. We will give a little of our time, a little of our resources, but will not give our lives for something greater than ourselves. We may see a documentary, or a news paper article, or hear an appeal at church. And we may cry our tears, give some money and soon forget.

I don’t want to be like that anymore. I don’t want to float through my life pursuing my own comforts and never get to Jesus’ heart that bleeds for the hurting and the broken.

Now that I have seen, I am responsible

Faith without deeds is dead

- ‘Albertine’ by Brooke Fraser

Sometimes The Only Way to Win the Race is to Get Out

I have been thinking a lot lately about the pressure that women live with daily in a society that decides what ‘beautiful’ is. 

I don’t read women’s magazines. I don’t watch television. I don’t listen to radio. Even so, I still find myself bombarded with unrealistic images and ideas about who I am supposed to be.

A couple of months ago, I was speaking with another woman. Granted, English is her second language, however she made a comment about me which began with, ‘people who are a little bit fat, like you...’ It’s funny now, but at the time, even though I understood her language difficulties, it stung.

I was talking to one of my students at the end of last year about body size. She is struggling because she is larger than all her friends. I could feel her pain.

When she had finished her sharing, I realised something important.

We as women, are never going to be ‘enough’. We will never reach perfection. Because just as soon as we can get one thing in line, then there will be something else to ‘work on’.

The only way to ‘win’ in this race, is to get out all together. We must stop trying to meet other people’s, or even our own, unrealistic expectations.

I believe that it is only when we, when I, go back to God and get his perspective on who I am supposed to be, that I will ever come to a place of loving who I am and being completely content with the body and image that I have.

I’m not saying to not take care of our bodies, to dress like a slob, to never have a facial. 

I am not talking about actions, so much as attitude. When I can look at myself in the mirror and say, like David:

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14

God doesn’t make mistakes. And he made you. 

Imagine if all women jumped out of the ‘more beautiful than...’ race and truly celebrated and loved being themselves, regardless of colour, size and shape. I dream of women building each other up and being able to fully compliment and encourage one another, with no jealousy, because comparison is so last year. 

Then I think we’d start to have a glimpse of what true beauty really is...

Oh, That I Would Keep Silent!

I am reading Job at the moment. Interesting book. The expression, ‘with friends like these, who needs enemies’ comes to mind. Poor Job! I cannot even begin to imagine how the poor fellow would have been feeling, and then his 3 ‘friends’ came along and heaped misery on top of misery.
I found a verse that stood out to me. Job is speaking after the third friend’s speech.

“Oh that you would keep silent, and it would be your wisdom!” Job 13:5

As I read this, I stopped short.
How many times have I been quick to put in my ‘two cents’; to give my opinion or advice? So often, when a friend comes to me, wanting to just talk, I barely let them finish before I am formulating some piece of advice that I feel is imperative for them to hear. I listen, only so I know when I can finally speak. I don’t listen because I want to hear.
And yet, I myself so often feel like I am drowning in others’ advice and good intention. I end up not talking to people, because I just can’t handle having more advice... for the seventh time, let alone the seventeenth...
I should know better than to turn around and do the same to others.
Roy, a man I deeply respect, often says about listening to other people, ‘hear their pain’. He tries to instill in me the skill of listening and going behind the words or actions of others, and to hear the pain that is found there. Wise advice.
And to hammer home the point to myself, a verse that often comes to correct me:

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” James 1:19

Oh, that I would be silent! May I be found to be a place of refuge amongst the floods of opinions. May I be the one person my friends can come to for a non-judgmental listening ear. May I be quick to listen and slow to speak.