One of Those Days

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Today has just been one of those days.

With less than three weeks to go, my hormones are raging and, with sleep is not coming easy, I am very tired. And my baby is not even here yet!

And I am totally amazed at some of my friends who have already had kids and managed to be nice and sweet and patient with people the whole time they were pregnant. Seriously... HOW did they do it? I feel like giving people a high five in the face... 

I feel so ugly for thinking and feeling that way. 

My husband and I are studying at Bible School this year and we are currently focusing on the book of 1 Corinthians. Today, the only thing that came to mind as I was fighting with myself to not give in to my emotions was 1 Corinthians 13 - the love chapter.

There is no point to me doing this study at all, if it is for academic knowledge, or for the certificate. It must be practical and applicable to my life. The Word of God must change me, renew my mind, help me to reflect God more - or else I am wasting my time.

And so, I sat down to let this word wash over me. 

And the truth came to set me free. My emotions are real. Hormones aren't imaginary. This is a physical reality in my body right now. But I still have a choice. Will I give in and let myself rage? Or will I allow the Holy Spirit to flow in me? 

Raging doesn't even help myself. After giving in, I don't feel any better. In fact, giving in makes me feel worse - let alone others.

But love. God's love for me. And his love through me, allowing me to respond in grace to my husband. Or whoever. This is healing for others and for myself.

And this is the truth of God, working in me practically. Am I 'fixed'? No... not really. But I am softened. And empowered to press on into him. 

1 Corinthians 13
1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Sharing On A Whole New Level

Baby Justin

I am now 8 months pregnant and this baby is really taking over!

I have a very great need for personal space, which is one of the major adjustments I faced in getting married 11 months ago. It wasn’t my husband’s company that I struggled with - no! I loved (and still love) spending time with him and have never had even a moment’s thought towards being tired of him.

His things on the other hand... that was my struggle. Having to share my space. Having to make room for his stuff. I was down right cranky for a few days when he moved in. Poor fellow.

But I adjusted and moved on. It is no longer an issue.

This baby is really encroaching on my personal space now. Physically, it is heavy. But more than that, being a very active child, most of the day and a lot of the night I can feel the squirms, kicks, hiccups, etc... At first it was cute... but now... a little tiring.

Not that I don’t totally adore and love my baby. I really do! 

As I was thinking about all of this, I realised that it is the grace of God that he gives mother’s nine months of pregnancy. 

The first stage was to mentally prepare. To wrap my head around the concept that a new life, a person, with a character and being separate from either of us was joining our family permanently. 

Then, there was the practical stage. Getting everything ready. The bed. Clothing. Pram. 

But now, increasingly so, it is about physically preparing. This baby is COMING. And as baby is growing, my belly is expanding, and it is a very visual reminder of the total ‘invasion’ that will soon be here.

As I process all of this, I am reminded of God. He is absolutely huge. Really. really. BIG. And yet he makes room for us. For me. God didn’t need to create humans. He chose to. In the massive expanse of himself, he made space for people. And then, even more amazing, he gave them all different characters. And choice. And the ability to both love and hurt. 

And then those people whom he loving created room in himself for... betrayed him. Totally heartbreaking.

I can only imagine what it will feel like the first time my child lies to me. Or steals something. Or says something nasty to me. How painful that must be. 

But God, who knows everything, willingly still chose us.

This is profoundly incredible. 

Now I am learning from him. Learning to share my personal space. Learning to give my heart willingly to someone else, knowing that one day at some point, they will hurt me.

Only God can teach love like this.