The outreach has come to an end and I must confess, my highlight of the week was walking into my room after the debrief today and realizing that I don't have to think 10 steps ahead anymore, organize people, plan programs, etc. etc. That was a joy!
This evening, I had dinner at Charles and Rosalie's place, my neighbours in the YWAM 23 House. Irene from the office was also there. It was healing to be there, to have a family meal, to celebrate communion, share stories about the week, pray, eat good food, wash the dishes together and drink nice coffee, still sharing and discovering more about each other.
A new challenge is looming ahead of me now, and drawing near very quickly. I am in the worship team for the coming 50th Celebration of YWAM that is being held in Singapore. I am leading worship for one of the sessions... This will really test my words. Am I genuine when I say that worship is a lifestyle that overflows, or am I performance driven? Do I want to look good, especially in front of the 'greats' of YWAM, glorifying myself, putting on a good show? To be honest, there is an edge of that. I DO want to look good and be seen to be looking good.
However, that is ugly. Worship should NEVER be about me, to make me look good or to draw attention to myself. When I have that focus, I get nervous. Because it is about me...
God, I really want to make this worship about YOU. I want to lead people to YOU and then step back, not even be the focus. But my pride and ambition is getting in the way... Please help me...
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