Validation

As a 'full time missionary,' a question I have been wrestling with is, am I still a missionary now that I am not doing any ministry? 

Sure, I understand that raising a child is a valuable and worthy way to spend my time, but am I still a 'missionary' or have I switched over to be a 'full time mum'?

The human side of me still wants to know my title, to know my role, even if only for myself. 

Last week I had a conversation with a young member of our community, a girl reaching the edges of young womanhood. It felt good to speak truth into someone's life again, to have a small taste of discipling someone after a long absence. 

As I was thinking over the conversation later, I was slowly aware of my internal dialogue. I thought to myself, 'maybe I can now spend time intentionally with her, speaking into her life'. 

I realized that I was validating myself, and my position in the community, based on the fact that I was now 'ministering' again to someone. The desire to disciple was good, but the motivation behind it was not. 

It is never ok to use ministry or discipleship in order to validate my own existence or even just my position. Discipleship that is effective must come out of a genuine selflessness. It must be a desire to see someone else grow up and grow into a deeper relationship with God. 

But my thoughts were all about me. I felt good because I was speaking into someone's life, and I now had value. 

God, forgive me for my self focus. Forgive me for selfishly using the gifts you have given me to build myself up and not your Kingdom.