My Son

I am sitting here with my 2 week, 5 day old son in my arms and feeling so incredibly blessed. My boy is fantastic. And there are no words to adequately describe the feeling of becoming a mother.

Getting him here was quite a task! I had a 17.5 hour labour without using any pain killers besides nitrous oxide for a period in the middle (and I thank God for it!). My son came on May 17 at 4:03pm and my life changed forever.

That moment when he came out and I saw him, and realised that I am now a mummy to a life. Looking at him and being amazed at how white he is. I was so certain he’d take after his Indian father more and be a lot more tanned. Listening to him cry out for the first time. Having him lay on my chest... such a precious moment.

Before having him, I had been told so many horror stories about labour, which honestly did me no good and only instilled in me a spirit of fear. (Why do Christians do that to others? I really don’t understand how that is godly.) But there is nothing that anyone could say that could prepare me for it.

It was painful, yes. And long. But... amazingly, it was doable.

We had purchased the book, ‘Supernatural Childbirth’ by Jackie Mize and had been praying and believing for pain-free pregnancy and labour and unfortunately didn’t get either. That isn’t to say that I no longer believe it is possible. I genuinely do and when we have another child, I will again pray and believe for it.

Never-the-less, I learnt a lot through the pain that I experienced.

The other thing that everyone said to me was, besides it being so painful that you wish you would die, that you forget the pain the moment you see your child. At least for me, that was so not the case. I remember every little moment of it. 

For me, it was more about value. My son is of such high value to me, that the cost of what I paid to get him is of far less consequence. He is precious. And I would go through it all again just to have him.

The second thing I learnt was about God. I understand at such a deeper level now, how much it cost him to send Jesus to earth, to go through all that he did, and then to die. My protective feelings over my son are strong. If anyone was to lay a hand on him to harm him, I would tear them apart without a second thought. There is a tigress awakened inside of me over my son. Woe to the one who tries to hurt him.

If I have such feelings for my boy, then God’s must be infinitely greater, because his capacity to love is infinitely greater than mine. And yet... he still let go. And allowed his heart to break.

My gratefulness to God is more abundant now. Because I have glimpsed the price he paid for me. For us.