Jade Green

Last night, I went for dinner with a couple of girlfriends. We've been good friends for many years now and I always look forward to seeing them. Last night was different however and I left feeling border-line miserable. 

When I looked at these girls, I found it hard to be content with my own situation. These girls are working full-time and have 'the look'. They are successful, affluent and beautiful. They have slender figures and good taste in clothes. One is married at the other is getting married this year. 

They came dressed so stylishly and as I looked down at my own jeans, cotton top and sling bag, I felt... shabby.

My heart began to turn a deep shade of jade green.

I went to bed feeling sorry for myself and woke feeling depressed. I knew the answer in my head. I must choose thankfulness. I must remember the goodness of God in my own life and rejoice in that. My head knew... but my heart would not follow.

I was thinking about it this morning and I started to pray. God, I don't want to live like this, always chasing more, never being satisfied. A thought came to me, maybe the pursuit of 'more' is actually a displaced desire for more of God? Maybe the 'more' that we really desire is actually God himself?

I had worship this morning and one song's lyrics stood out:

Into your hand

I commit again

All I am

For you lord

You hold my world

In the palm of your hand

And I'm yours forever

I'll walk with you 

Wherever you go

Through tears and joy

I'll trust in you

And I will live 

In all of your ways and 

Your promises forever

[With All I Am, Hillsong]

Dad, may the 'more' that I seek always be for more of you...