Crossing Cultures

Our Wedding Day, 12 May 2012

I don’t think that anyone can quite comprehend the complexities and intricacies of cross-cultural relationships until they actually experience it.

It gets to the core of each ones’ thought processes. It is incredible how much personal culture influences daily life. It plays out even in the smallest things.

My husband and I dated for three and a half years before we were married and during that time we were challenged in our own thinking about what relationship should look like, especially in light of our desire to please God and understand what He says about relationship.

As Charles Dickens said, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us...”

These were among the most difficult years of my life and yet we couldn't ultimately give up. I remember Joel made a statement in our second year that became my mantra in some ways, “everything good takes effort”. He was right.

There were many times that one or the other of us almost gave up and opted out. It was just too difficult and, especially at the start, we had little encouragement from those closest to us and much resistance. I thank God now for the faithful few who were always ‘on our side’ cheering and praying for us. You were lights of grace and love in our darkness.

The lessons learnt during that period were incredible and deep. I am still walking them out: forgiveness, loving difficult and different people, seeing them through God’s eyes and seeking to have His heart towards them. These lessons are priceless and could not be learnt without the struggle.

And now we are married! The contrast between the darkness and the light is so stark that it’s almost blinding. My marriage is bliss. Not that we don’t argue and always get along, but there is peace now, and love. We can take off the armour that was integral to everyday life before and find safety and security.

Cross cultural relationships are complicated. There is no easy way around it. It’s hard work. And yet my life has been made so much richer for this experience and I have been blessed with a husband who exceeds all my expectations. 

It makes me think about Jesus and His Bride. They are preparing for their wedding, but right now, they are still in the hell of the battle where everything is ugly and hard. How Jesus’ heart must ring with excitement over His coming wedding day, knowing that peace and love, safety and security are coming!

We are blessed in life to be given glimpses of His greater reality; His cosmic story. 

Take heart and hold fast through the battle of life! Anticipate the sweetness of being joined with our Groom. Because everything good takes effort.