Public vs. Private

I always have this inner struggle about my online presence. I have so much to say, so many thoughts, and sometimes it is nice to send them out into the world. I very rarely have any comments, or feedback, on what I share on here. And that is ok with me.

But then there is the flip side: I am super private. I like to keep my family to myself. And I specifically don't like to post many/any photos of my son online.

I was recently asked why, if it was intentional. Yes, of course it is. I used to be an over sharer. At one stage I was posting a new photo album daily (when I first moved to Singapore and I wanted to share my journey with my friends at home).

Even when Levi was first born, I happily posted photos willy nilly.

But then I began to think more deeply about the whole thing. I know that I would not like my online presence to be decided for me. I would not like to have a 'personality' assumed about me based on what people saw of me online. 

I feel a little bit sorry for kids these days. They will grow up 'famous' even if in just a smaller circle. All the adults in their lives will have an opinion about who they are, their character and personhood, sometimes without even having seen them in real life. 

I get the 'proud parent' thing. My word! I am so incredibly proud of my son. I would love to tell the world about his every little milestone, and I would expect you all to be as impressed and enthralled as I am. But at what cost? 

In addition to this, there is the very real risk of online predators. I don't think it is paranoid to be aware of this and to minimise as much potential risk as possible.

And then last of all, as I said in a previous post, I am mindful of what I am modeling to my son. Do I want to lead him to be as addicted as I am, as every adult in his life that he will ever know is? As much as I want to make healthy choices for him in terms of diet, I also want to choose well for him regarding technology.

Damsel in Distress

My wayward heart still does not understand that I do not have to keep protecting myself still...
I am still surrounded with suggestions of who or what I should be, what I should do, and questions like, have you ever thought of?... I reached the point of overflowing with such suggestions. I just need to be liked as I am. Loved. Accepted. Not judged.
I am tired of trying to DO so many things to win approval with people. I am trying my guts out but it is never enough.
After raging internally and some of the rage spilling into the external, I finally reached a point where I was still enough to hear. And then I heard my Daddy God's voice
Why do you have to prove anything?
Why do you have to fight?
Good questions. As calm began to creep into my heart, I asked a question back.
God, will you fight for me?
I flood of relief came over me as God answered back, 
I have been waiting for you to ask...
I realized that it is okay to be in trouble; to not have all the answers; even to be distressed. It is okay to admit that I am not okay. It is okay to be a damsel in distress. But where do I go to when I am in that place?
Psalm 18 is one of my favourites. Here is a excerpt:

I love you, O LORD, my strength.
The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.
In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his(I) temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears. Then the earth reeled and rocked; the foundations also of the mountains trembled and quaked, because he was angry.
He rode on a cherub and flew; he came swiftly on the wings of the wind.
He sent from on high, he took me; he drew me out of many waters.
He rescued me from my strong enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me.
They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me.
The LORD dealt with me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands he rewarded me.
So the LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.
With the merciful you show yourself merciful; with the blameless man you show yourself blameless; with the purified you show yourself pure; and with the crooked you make yourself seem tortuous.
For it is you who light my lamp; the LORD my God lightens my darkness.
For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall.
This God—his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.
For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God?—the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless.
He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights.
He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great.
You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip.