An Ache of Motherhood

One of the most painful experiences of motherhood, is watching your children come face-to-face with the ups and downs of relationships.

This morning, we were at a playground. Levi has been slowly getting to know these slightly bigger boys, who are about 5-years-old. But today, Levi was the 'annoying smaller kid' who was wrecking their game. My precious, but not perfect, 3-year-old was sincerely trying to play with them. But he just didn't get what they were doing. 

I know these other boys from our many playground trips. I've met their parents and have had conversations with the helpers/maids who watch over them. They are not bad kids. One of the boys in particular, is actually quite sweet. 

But today, they 'ganged up' on Levi. They chased him, pushed him, called him names. I watched Levi process what was happening. At first he thought it was funny, just a new way of playing. But slowly I saw him realise that they were not actually being nice to him, and I both saw and felt the change of emotions in him.

I teared as I thought about humanity at large. We are so quick to reject what annoys us. How can I blame these bunch of kids for rejecting my son, when we adults lack the self-control and compassion to embrace those who are different?

When someone 'stomps' all over my 'game', my agenda, my preferred way of relating, my defences come up and I react, trying to protect whatever is mine: my rights, my choices. 

Today, I cried for Levi but I also cried for us all on both sides of relationships. 

As he came running to me, looking for comfort, snuggling into my side, I thought about our Father God, the ultimate parent. If I feel like this, how much must He feel in His amplified love? 

I prayed that my boys would grow to embrace others'. I wish that they would enjoy the differences, to have curiosity and not to shun. May they be a part of changing the way we humans relate to each other. 

Culture Shock

My family on our wedding day (12 May 2012)

Joel's family on our wedding day 

Joel and my family's are incredibly different. Like... Reeeeaaaally different. Our cultures aren't the only difference; but the character and tone of the family units are poles apart. 

Sometimes I think it's amazing how well Joel and I go together, given the vast contrast between our backgrounds. 

In the past, I truly wondered if his family was from another planet. How on earth could people have a completely opposite way of thinking to what was 'normal' to me? 

Recently, we did the unthinkable. We actually moved into their house. Astounding really. We are in an interim period before our own rental is ready for us. 

For me at least, it has been and is still very tough. Not just learning to live with other people, but also learning how to be a family, within another family. Not as easy as it may sound. How do we keep 'us' and what is unique and special about our little family that I love so much, and yet live in and contribute to a greater family around us? 

I'm very sure culture plays a large role in how I am feeling. Perhaps (or perhaps not?) if we were a local couple moving in with their local inlaws, the challenge and change would not be so great. In Asia, there is a more significant emphasis placed on extended family. We have it in the West also, but there is more autonomy between the smaller family units. 

I'm not saying that either side is better, or 'right'. But I am experiencing the 'other side,' and it's been eye opening. 

I am amused to realise that I, and maybe we are all the same, somehow subconsciously expect that other people run their lives in the same manner as myself. I am very systematic in the way I do almost everything. For example, before I wash dishes, I put all the same items together. This means that when I am washing them and putting them on the drying rack, they stack more neatly and take up less space. Does it really matter? No. But it's still the 'best way' to my own mind and therefore is 'correct.'

My husband's family do things completely differently. Are they wrong? No. It's just different. 

So what I guess I am saying is, I am learning that it's ok. It's ok for some people to be one way, and others to be another. It's unlikely that I will suddenly stop being systematic. It's equally unlikely, that they will be more so. But in learning to appreciate the differences, perhaps I will see and know more of life, be less narrow minded, and may even discover ways of doing things that make more sense to me, ways that I would never have thought of alone. 

God is, Himself, so vast, and while he is constant and unchanging, His very enormity means that there is room for many different facets. Maybe I'll know Him better also after this?