Marriage

"At one time we expected marriage and family to provide love, support and security. But for meaning in life, hope for the future, moral compass and self-identity we looked to God and the afterlife. Today, however, our culture has taught us to believe that no one can be sure of those things, not even whether they exist. Therefore, Becker argued, something has to fill the gap, and often that something is romantic love. We look to sex and romance to give us what we used to get from faith in God."

The Meaning of Marriage
By Tim Keller
Quoting Ernest Becker

Baby Mine

Yes! The word is out! I am 11 weeks pregnant and due 8 May 2013. 

It’s wonderful, thrilling, scary, beautiful and profoundly life changing.

That little squishy bean above is a whole person growing, who will have a character and identity separate to me or Joel. It really is astounding.

The response we have had is incredible. People have whole heartedly joined in celebrating with us, have given so freely and generously to us and we are so blessed to have such a community who support us so well.

One of the bigger adjustments I have had to face is the fact that people always want to touch my belly now. It almost feels like my belly is not my own. From my husband, to my immediate family, to friends and even to acquaintances, I spend a lot of time with peoples’ hands on my tummy. Takes a bit of getting used to, but I cannot complain because I am guilty of doing that too! And it definitely is great to see people’s excitement and support for us as a family.

Do pray for us as we walk out this journey of ‘expanding our tribe’ as my husband likes to say.

Opinionated Me

I am discovering that at every stage in life, other people will have an opinion.

Whether it is being single, dating, getting married, changing jobs, moving house, having a baby, not having a baby... without fail people will step forward ever so quickly to put in their two cents worth.

This is not to say that they have evil intent, because 99.9% of the time, their intentions are totally out of concern and with a desire to be good friends.

But that still doesn’t mean it’s helpful.

A week ago I was texting back and forth with my Mum about a certain issue she’s currently dealing with. Without even thinking about it, I automatically went into problem solving mode and started suggesting this option or that solution.

And then I stopped... 

How full of pride am I, to think that I am in a position to tell her what to do in her life? She has 20 years on me, an awful lot more life experience, and is quite capable of coming up with solutions herself.

The arrogance!

Now, age and life experience does not always equal to maturity and wisdom. This is true. But how did I jump on the band wagon of thinking I am the advisor to the world at large?

I think that we have created a whole system in society where we feel we have the ‘right’ to tell people exactly what we think. Freedom of speech has created a whole generation of opinionated experts.

Having said that, I know some incredibly godly men and women who speak truth and love into my life with such grace and humility that it doesn’t even feel like an opinion, but more like a conversation.

I think that most of the time, people don’t need solutions and are quite capable of fixing their own problems. What they really need is someone to listen and to really hear. Someone to care about what they are saying and how they are feeling.

Oh God! Help me to be so quick to listen and slow to advise. 




"Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact."
- George Eliot (1819-1880)

Crossing Cultures

Our Wedding Day, 12 May 2012

I don’t think that anyone can quite comprehend the complexities and intricacies of cross-cultural relationships until they actually experience it.

It gets to the core of each ones’ thought processes. It is incredible how much personal culture influences daily life. It plays out even in the smallest things.

My husband and I dated for three and a half years before we were married and during that time we were challenged in our own thinking about what relationship should look like, especially in light of our desire to please God and understand what He says about relationship.

As Charles Dickens said, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us...”

These were among the most difficult years of my life and yet we couldn't ultimately give up. I remember Joel made a statement in our second year that became my mantra in some ways, “everything good takes effort”. He was right.

There were many times that one or the other of us almost gave up and opted out. It was just too difficult and, especially at the start, we had little encouragement from those closest to us and much resistance. I thank God now for the faithful few who were always ‘on our side’ cheering and praying for us. You were lights of grace and love in our darkness.

The lessons learnt during that period were incredible and deep. I am still walking them out: forgiveness, loving difficult and different people, seeing them through God’s eyes and seeking to have His heart towards them. These lessons are priceless and could not be learnt without the struggle.

And now we are married! The contrast between the darkness and the light is so stark that it’s almost blinding. My marriage is bliss. Not that we don’t argue and always get along, but there is peace now, and love. We can take off the armour that was integral to everyday life before and find safety and security.

Cross cultural relationships are complicated. There is no easy way around it. It’s hard work. And yet my life has been made so much richer for this experience and I have been blessed with a husband who exceeds all my expectations. 

It makes me think about Jesus and His Bride. They are preparing for their wedding, but right now, they are still in the hell of the battle where everything is ugly and hard. How Jesus’ heart must ring with excitement over His coming wedding day, knowing that peace and love, safety and security are coming!

We are blessed in life to be given glimpses of His greater reality; His cosmic story. 

Take heart and hold fast through the battle of life! Anticipate the sweetness of being joined with our Groom. Because everything good takes effort.